Tag: Fun

A first-grade teacher, Ms Brooks was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, “Harry what is your problem?” Harry answered, “I’m too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third grade and I’m smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third grade too!”

Ms Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal’s office. While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms Brooks he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave. She agreed. Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: “What is 3 x 3?”
Harry: “9”.

Principal: “What is 6 x 6?”
Harry: “36”.

And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade should know. The principal looks at Ms Brooks and tells her, “I think Harry can go to the third-grade.”

Ms Brooks says to the principal, “Let me ask him some questions?” The principal and Harry both agree.

Ms Brooks asks, “What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?
Harry, after a moment: “Legs.”

Ms Brooks: “What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?”
The principal wondered, why does she ask such a question!
Harry replied: “Pockets.”

Ms Brooks: “What does a dog do that a man steps into?”
Harry: “Pants”

Ms Brooks: What’s starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?
Harry: Coconut

The principal’s eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry was taking charge.

Ms Brooks: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?
Harry: Bubblegum

Ms Brooks: What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting down and a dog do on three legs?”
The principal’s eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer.
Harry: Shake hands

Ms Brooks: Now I will ask some “Who am I” sort of questions, okay?
Harry: Yep.

Ms Brooks: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do.
Harry: Tent

Ms Brooks: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you’re bored. The best man always has me first. The Principal was looking restless and bit tense.
Harry: Wedding Ring

Ms Brooks: I come in many sizes. When I’m not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good.
Harry: Nose

Ms Brooks: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.
Harry: Arrow

Ms Brooks: What word starts with an ‘F’ and ends in ‘K’ that means a lot of heat and excitement?
Harry: Firetruck

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, “Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last ten questions wrong myself.”

Ed finally decides to take a vacation. He books himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeds to have the time of his life –until the boat sank. He found himself swept up on the shore of an island with no other people, no supplies…nothing… only bananas and coconuts.

After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to him. In disbelief, he asks her, “Where did you come from? How did you get here?”

“I rowed from the other side of the island,” she says. “I landed here when my cruise ship sank.”

“Amazing,’ he says. “You were really lucky to have a rowboat wash up with you.”
“Oh, this?’ replies the woman. “I made the rowboat out of raw material I found on the island. The oars were whittled from gum tree branches. I wove the bottom from palm branches. And the sides and stern came from a Eucalyptus tree.”

“But, but, that’s impossible,” stutters Ed. “You had no tools or hardware. How did you manage?”
“Oh, that was no problem,” replies the woman. “On the south side of the island, there is a very unusual strata of alluvial rock exposed. I found if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into forgeable ductile iron. I used that for tools and used the tools to make the hardware.”

Ed is stunned. “Let’s row over to my place,” she says. After a few minutes of rowing, she docks the boat at a small wharf. As Ed looks onto shore, he nearly falls out of the boat. Before him is a
stone walk leading to an exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white. While the woman ties up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, he could only stare ahead, dumbstruck. As they walk into the house, she says casually, “It’s not much, but I call it home. Sit down please. Would you like to have a drink?”

“No, no, thank you.’ he says, still dazed. “Can’t take any more coconut juice.” “It’s not coconut juice,” the woman replies. “How about a Pina Colada?”

Trying to hide his continued amazement, he accepts, and they sit down on her couch to talk. After they have exchanged their stories, the woman announces, “I’m going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to take a shower and shave? There is a razor upstairs in the cabinet in the bathroom.”

No longer questioning anything, Ed goes into the bathroom. There, in the cabinet, is a razor made from a bone handle. Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge are fastened on to its end inside of a swivel mechanism. “Wow! This woman is amazing!” he muses, “What next?”

When he returns, she greets him wearing nothing but vines-strategically positioned-and smelling faintly of gardenias. She beckons for him to sit down next to her. “Tell me,” she begins suggestively, slithering closer to him, “We’ve been out here for a really long time. You’ve been lonely. There’s something I’m sure you really feel like doing right now, something you’ve been longing for all these months. You know…” She stares into his eyes.

He can’t believe what he’s hearing: “You mean—“, he swallows excitedly, “I can check my email?!”

I have a spelling checker – It came with my PC
It plane lee marks four my revue Miss steaks aye can knot sea

Eye ran this poem threw it, Your sure reel glad two no.
Its vary polished in it’s weigh – My checker tolled me sew.

A checker is a bless sing. It freeze yew lodes of thyme.
It helps me awl stiles two reed, And aides me when aye rime.

To rite with care is quite a feet Of witch won should be proud.
And wee mussed dew the best wee can, Sew flaws are knot aloud.

And now bee cause my spelling Is checked with such grate flare,
Their are know faults with in my cite; Of non eye am a wear.

Each frays comes posed up on my screen Eye trussed to be a joule.
The checker poured over every word To sum spelling rule.

That’s why aye brake in two averse By righting wants too pleas.
Sow now ewe sea why aye dew prays Such soft wear for pea seas!

Eye halve a spelling checker It came with my pea sea
It plainly marks four my revue Miss steaks eye kin knot sea

Eye strike a key and type a word And weight four it two say
Weather eye is wrong oar write It shows me strait a weigh

As soon as a mist ache is maid It nose bee fore two long
And eye can put the error rite Its rare lea ever wrong

Eye has run this poem threw it I am shore your pleased two no
Its letter perfect awl the weigh My checker tolled me sew